You have nothing to be sad about…..

These are the words from the mouths of those who do not understand depression.

I cannot tell you how many times I have been told this exact thing. You have everything you could ever want, why are you sad? Well, I’m depressed; not sad. Depression is not synonymous with being sad. You could have all the money in the world, have everything you could have ever wished for, and still be depressed.

On the worst days, it is so hard to get the motivation to get out of bed. It feels impossible to get up and get dressed. No food sounds good, so there is no motivation to eat. The best feeling is to be able to do nothing, and not be questioned. There is no sadness, there is simply a lack of want to. The lack of want to bother anyone with feelings. The feeling that if anything is shared at all, it will come off as a burden. The feeling that being a burden is the last thing, so why not just be alone.

Depression comes about in a number of different ways. It also can last a day, two days or even two months. Depression has no timeline. Depression doesn’t care what plans were made, depression is there until depression gets what it wants. If depression wants to lay in bed all day, then depression lays in bed. If depression wants that Dr. Pepper and Reece’s Outrageous bar, depression gets that Dr. Pepper and Reece’s Outrageous bar. Maybe if it gets what it wants, it will go away faster.

The reality is that no matter what depression wants and gets, it stays as long as it wants to. The goal is to make it through with a support system around. If you or someone you love has depression, it is important to have a support system of people who know what is going on and ways to help. In those hard days, stay accountable. Make a list of 3 things that you can accomplish in a day and send it to someone who will hold you accountable to those things, and who you won’t lie to about doing them. If your loved one has depression, have them give you 3 things that they can accomplish and hold them accountable. These can be as simple as getting out of bed, taking a shower, getting dressed, eating breakfast. These things will get them through the hardest days, so that they can have more good days ahead!

To my first born…

You are the one who made me a mother. I experienced my first pregnancy with you. The first time you kicked inside my tummy, the first time I got punched in the bladder from the inside. You were the first heartbeat I heard through a Doppler. I was so scared to bring you into the world, not knowing if I would be able to give you everything you ever needed. We have learned this life together.

Thank you for teaching me how to be a mother. Thank you for being patient with me as I figured everything out. You are the reason I am the mother I am today. You taught me patience, kindness, and most of all, love. I love you more than words could ever describe. You are growing up to be a beautiful, fun, outgoing little girl.

You love your sister just how I love you. You are patient with her as she learns new things and you are always teaching her what I taught you. Your unending love for her shows me that you will make a good mother too some day. Not anytime soon though.

Thank you for being the Lord’s greatest blessing in my life. Don’t ever forget just how much I love you. I will be behind you every step through this life as your biggest cheerleader.

I love you. You are forever my baby.