This seemingly insignificant phrase has changed how I parent. Before I learned the power of deep breathing, I was at a complete loss on how to help my daughter with her emotions. I felt like I had tried everything and nothing was working. Then, I took a course about how to change the electric energy in a room and it changed everything.
“Take a Deep Breath” – four words, one result. Energy recentered. I use it on myself. I use it on my daughters. I use it on the kids that I coach. Taking a deep breath, in through the nose and out through the mouth, *In 1, 2, 3, out 1, 2, 3* regulates your nervous system, lowers stress hormones and improves emotional control. When someone is in a heightened emotional state, they can become erratic, verbally abusive or disassociated with reality. By bringing down the heart rate, we are sending a signal to the parasympathetic nervous system that we are safe and can come out of our “fight or flight” response.
In parenting, when our kids emotions are heightened, the energy in the room is heightened. It is our role to shift that energy back to calm by taking a deep breath ourselves. Once we are calm, we can calm our kids down by having them take deep breaths. The energy shift is palpable. If we respond with our own heightened emotion, it can quickly become a volcano ready to erupt lava injuring everyone in its path.
I have 2 daughters that are polar opposites in how they express emotion. My oldest goes quiet but you can see the emotion all over her face. Meanwhile, my youngest is the world’s largest tornado that you’ve heard coming for miles destroying everything in her path. At their age, the deep breath often comes with a hug and breathing together. They can physically feel my lower heart rate and co-regulate while taking deep breaths. Even when my youngest hits, kicks, pulls away, I do my best to safely keep her close so she can calm herself. Yes, this comes with many battle wounds, mainly bruises because wow she is so strong! For my oldest, the emotions typically pour out through tears. Whether it is frustration, anger, sadness, it is always tears.
I also use this on the kids that I coach. Any time they get frustrated they can’t get a skill or if they are upset because they had a skill and can’t do it that day, I have them take a deep breath to recenter their energy and focus. They get back up and 9 times out of 10 they are able to do the skill.
Whether you are a parent or not, this will work every time. It may take a few deep breaths but it works.
What do you do to reset the energy in a room?
